As of yesterday, I have officially been married to my sweet husband Evan for TWO years! It’s unreal – I feel like I’ve been married to him forever (we did date for six years prior to our wedding) but it also has flown by. So many people describe marriage as ‘challenging but rewarding’ and I have to agree, but I think the challenging part gets a little overplayed. Sure there are challenges and differences, but even just the simple fact that I have a partner for everything in life makes it infinitely more manageable, less stressful, and abundantly more joyful.
The challenging part for me has really taken place internally. I’ve found that I need to manage my expectations and learn to let things go. To live in gratitude and to give more when I want to give less. Let me explain..
Avoiding the Danger of Unspoken Expectations
One thing I’ve become keenly aware of is the expectations I place on Evan without him even knowing. We all do it in our relationships: we think they’ll know that it’s their job to do the dishes and put the laundry away and bring me flowers on Fridays.. Get the idea? I almost unconsciously place these expectations on Evan (some of them would be good, no doubt) but if I never even talk to him about these, then how can he even have a chance to live up to these high expectations? He doesn’t even know they exist! And it’s one of the greatest pitfalls to a relationship because you get upset at something they had no idea they were expected to do. Watch out for it friends. It’s a sneaky thing and I have to catch myself with these all the time.
Letting Go of the Little Things
This one is partially related to unspoken expectations, but I have realized that I have to let go of the little things often. Sometimes Evan will say something that irks me, but I know he means nothing by it, so I choose to let it go instead of dwelling on it. Clearly he must do the same for me because I know I say dumb things all the time. In the grand scheme of things I know he loves me and we both slip up in the moment and say imperfect things. Most of the time we just breeze past it – live and let go. (just be sure it’s not an underlying issue that will build up and explode later, because that’s not a healthy alternative)
Speaking Intentional Gratitude
We’ve gotten pretty good at recognizing the little routine things each other does and intentionally thanking them for it. Things like the dishes, something I do every day, Evan will come up and thank me (often as he brings more dishes that need washing, lol thanks). I’ll thank him for running to the grocery store during the day so that I don’t have to fight my way through the 5 o’clock dinner rush. I know I feel better both when I am thanked and when I thank him, and it helps me focus on the wonderful things my husband does instead of the pile of clothes he leaves on the floor (we’re still working that one out.. J) It also encourages me to give more of myself and my time to him.
I’ve definitely grown so much as a person over the last two years. Marriage is like shining a light on your own personal flaws, but the good thing is that you have a partner to strive and grow and move forward with — one who is forgiving and loving and lifts you up when you’re down. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the abundant grace of God here too, because there’s a lot of grace involved in marriage. All of this to say – yes it can be challenging but marriage is oh. so. sweet.
Oh and one bonus “lesson learned”– if you want to do something, do it in your early years of marriage! Just go for it together, you’ll figure it out! Do it before you have kids and a job and stability and expectations. Moving to Europe has been a great adventure for us, one we’ll cherish for years to come! Consequently, it has also really helped us identify what we want out of life and our path moving forward. Take advantage of the years when it’s just you two and be intentional with where you lead your life together.
Two years down, 80+ to go! 😉
